Your third place shouldn’t be an app

How social media is replacing real-world community (and why that’s a problem)

I spend a lot of my time thinking about inter-personal relationships.

And lately, one question I've been asking myself is this:

To what extent do I rely on digital spaces as my third place, and how does that impact my well-being?

For a few reasons:
• Social media feels like an accessible and convenient third place (but it has increasingly felt devoid of meaningful interactions).
• Online communities do give me a sense of belonging, especially with folks and that I can’t readily connect with in real life.
• But I also wonder what I’m missing — the spontaneity, sensory engagement, and deeper connections that physical third places provide.

What is a third place?

A third place is a “familiar public spot where you regularly connect with others known and unknown, over a shared interest or activity.” Examples include churches, cafes, clubs, libraries, bookstores, gyms, and parks. It’s a place separate from where you live, work, or study.

Over the years, social media has become another third place but it lacks the critical characteristics of an in-person third place:

1. Spontaneity – Real third places allow for unplanned, organic interactions. Social media, on the other hand, is curated, scheduled, and often transactional.

2. Physical presence – There’s something irreplaceable about being in a shared space, reading body language, and feeling the energy of others, something social media can never replicate.

3. Equal footing – On social media, hierarchy is built into the system — followers, likes, and algorithms determine whose voice is heard the most.

4. Diversity of people & ideas – In a physical third place, you might chat with a stranger or overhear an unexpected perspective. Online, algorithms reinforce echo chambers, showing us more of what we already think and believe.

5. Genuine play & leisure – Third places are meant to be fun, lighthearted, and restorative. Social media often masquerades as entertainment but can easily become draining, performative, or anxiety-inducing.

6. A sense of belonging – True third places foster connection through shared experiences. Social media can create the illusion of community, but without real-world interactions, it often feels hollow when you need it most.

Signs you are defaulting to social media as a third place:

You leave one third place only to enter a digital one.

• You finish a coffee shop visit, workout, or social gathering and immediately open social media instead of lingering in the space or reflecting on the experience.

Your default “hangout” spot is an app, not a place.

• When you think about where you spend your leisure time, social media platforms come to mind before cafés, parks, libraries, or other communal spaces.

You go to a physical third place but stay on your phone.

• You sit at a coffee shop, bar, or co-working space, but instead of engaging with people or the environment, you scroll through your feed.

Social media replaces spontaneous in-person interactions.

• Instead of striking up small talk with a stranger in a third place, you turn to your phone for entertainment or socializing.

Your relaxation time is screen-based rather than place-based.

• After work or school, you don’t unwind in a park, gym, or favorite local spot. You decompress by consuming content online.

You “attend” digital events more than real ones.

• You engage in livestreams, webinars, or online discussions more often than you physically visit places where community happens.

You experience third places more through posts than in-person.

• You follow people who visit vibrant third places (bookstores, farmers’ markets, dance studios) but rarely visit them yourself.

You document more than you engage.

• You visit a third place, but your primary focus is capturing content for social media rather than immersing yourself in the environment.

You struggle to name a real-world third place where you feel at home.

• If asked where you spend time outside of work and home, no physical location immediately comes to mind.

Why this is a problem:

Social media often gives us the illusion of connection, but it can’t replace the depth, vulnerability, and authenticity that in-person relationships offer. We might engage with hundreds of people online, but do we feel truly seen and accepted?

Our “community” is not supposed to be an algorithm. Algorithms amplify what we already know and believe, surrounding us with similar voices. This restricts our exposure to different people, ideas, and perspectives, leaving us with less opportunity to feel challenged, expanded, and part of something bigger than ourselves.

And the constant barrage of notifications and the pull of scrolling can create a mental habit where we are never fully present in real-life interactions. In physical third places, the simple act of being together allows us to truly see and hear others — something social media often takes away.

What should be a space for leisure and escape often becomes a source of stress, comparison, and overload on social media. Instead of offering a break, it leaves us feeling depleted, as the relentless stream of content rarely gives us the space to feel fully accepted, loved, or at peace.

What we can do about it:

1. Identify and reclaim your third places – Ask yourself: Where do I feel a sense of ease, belonging, and community outside of home and work? If no place comes to mind, start exploring. Personally, I love yoga studios, dance classes, places of worship, and libraries.

2. Practice being fully present – The next time you're at a coffee shop, gym, or park, resist the urge to default to your phone when you’re waiting in line or for a friend. Allow yourself to feel bored. This is so difficult but so worth it. Give your brain some space.

3. Make a commitment to attending and hosting real-world gatherings – Prioritize in-person activities, whether it’s a meetup, a dance class, or just asking a friend to take a walk with you instead of texting.

4. Be strategic with how you use social media – Use it as a tool to find real-world communities. Make sure it leads to offline interactions.

5. Engage in low-stakes socializing – Not every interaction has to be deep or purposeful (I know…shocking coming from me. But this is important!). Casual conversations with baristas, neighbors, or fellow gym-goers can help rebuild your sense of community.

Social media can be a powerful supplement to community, but it was never meant to replace third places. If you're feeling disconnected, burnt out, or like your “community” only exists on a screen, it might be time to step back and ask yourself:

Where do I actually belong? And how can I make sure that place exists in the real world, not just online?

This issue became apparent for me when I moved to New York and got involved in the content creation space — I was attending influencer meetups many times a week with the “community” I had fostered online. Even though we would meet in-person, my interactions with my peers were mostly limited to engaging with each others’ content online.

Though I love supporting everyone’s content and art, I started to feel hollow — like my only interactions with a lot of people involved liking, commenting, and viewing the content they were posting for the world to see. I started to crave more meaning, depth, and unplanned interactions. While I am so grateful for the people and opportunities that have come my way because of social media, I am actively redefining its place in my life.

So this reflection is as much for myself as it is for you — we’re in this together.

If you’ve found a way to balance social media and real-world third places, I’d love to hear from you.